Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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