Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We left an ass print on the piano.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
