Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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