Your tits are I can't wait for
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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