Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
