R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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