so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
