peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
