i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we made out on top of his cat.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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