Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize