I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
