My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the gays at disneyland are vicious
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
