I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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