Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
