i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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