just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Houston, we have a blender
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
