the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
