omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
