but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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