whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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