mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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