I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is Oprah even human
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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