I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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