I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
