I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
