So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
