dude i'm inner monologue high
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
