matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
