She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
