franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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