I wannas sexs uuuuu
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
