Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
