i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Shitshow foam night was such a success
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I see more hoeing in ur future
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
