So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
