His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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