Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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