Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
