it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well you can't waste a boner
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
