I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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