took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize