This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
