so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
