Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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