They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
NoShamevember. You game?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
