Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
