You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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