"it" just moved
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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