he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
