Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize