Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
