I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
