Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
