I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize