i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize