this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
