You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
