I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
