I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
