She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize