Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize