Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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