Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
