I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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