Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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