"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
birth control should be required to get into college
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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