There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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