"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize