Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
