ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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