remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
