So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
