seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
