Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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