Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
