You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
