i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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