there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
