i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
