Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
