so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
