god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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