somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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