It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
