A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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