He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
