the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
