tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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