I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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