You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
