Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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