Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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