maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
