I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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